Laureen woke up and saw that it was almost ten in the morning. Wala na rin si Aston sa tabi niya. Saradong-sarado rin ang buong kuwarto kaya medyo madilim pa. Ramdam niya ang sakit ng katawan, pero nakagagalaw na rin siya kahit papaano.

Kahit medyo nahihirapan, pinilit niya ang bumangon. Gusto niyang maglakad. Gusto sana niyang magpaaraw, pero tanghali na. Pumasok siya sa loob ng bathroom para maghilamos, mag-toothbrush, at ayusin sana ang buhok niya, pero hindi niya magawa.

Her bruises were still dark, her body ached so much, and she hated not being able to move to work. All she could do was watch movies and read books. Kahit na papeles para sa hacienda, hindi ibinibigay sa kaniya.

“LJ!” Nagulat si Manang Tess nang makita siyang mabagal na bumababa sa hagdan. “Hindi ka pa puwedeng maggagalaw, ‘di ba?”

Mahinang natawa si Laureen ngunit kaagad na ininda ang braso. “I’m bored, manang,” pag-amin niya. “Where’s Aston po? Umalis siya?”

“Oo, iikot lang daw siya sandali,” sabi ni Manang Tess na inalalayan siya pababa ng hagdan. “Nagpapaluto siya ng sinigang para daw mayroon kang sabaw paggising mo. Kumusta na ba ang pakiramdam mo?”

“Masakit pa rin po ang katawan ko, pero parang mas magkakasakit po ako ‘pag nag-stay pa ako nang matagal sa kuwarto. I wanna walk around po,” sabi niya.

Dumiretso si Laureen sa likod ng mansion kung saan kita ang kabuuan ng hacienda. Pinanood niya ang ilang trabahador na busy sa kaniya-kaniyang ginagawa. Nakita rin niya si Rue, ang kabayong sinakyan niya nang malaglag siya. Wala siyang sinisisi sa nangyari kung hindi ang sarili. The horse recently lost its mate for fifteen years and it was suffering from severe anxiety.

It must’ve been painful.

It was, for sure.

“You’re here.” Tumayo si Aston sa gilid ng inuupuan ni Laureen. “Good morning. How’s your sleep? Nagugutom ka na ba? Sabi ni Manang Tess, lunch is ready, and we have an early lunch you want to.”

Laureen nodded while looking at Aston.

“Okay. Dito na lang tayo or sa dining area? Maliligo lang ako sandali. I went out for a run.” Aston’s voice was low. “Sa dining area na lang tayo. Medyo mainit dito.”

Again, Laureen nodded in response.

Aston left, and she stayed looking at nowhere. She remembered last night’s conversation. It wasn’t a conversation since Aston didn’t respond and just fell asleep, but maybe he remembered their last words.

Pinag-isipan naman niya iyong mabuti. Alam niyang mas makabubuti iyon para sa kanila ni Aston . . . lalo kay Aston.

“LJ, maayos na ang dining table,” sabi ni Manang Tess. “Anong prutas ang gusto mong buksan dito?”

Umiling si Laureen. “Wala po, manang. Wala naman po akong gustong ibang kainin. Gusto ko lang po ng sabaw. Thank you sa pagluto.”

“Wala naman ‘yun,” sabi nito na inalalayan pa siya sa pagtayo dahil nahirapan siyang itukod ang kamay niya. “Ikaw, magpahinga ka na nga lang sa kuwarto mo. Napakapasaway mo pa rin talagang bata ka.”

Tawa lang ang naging sagot ni Laureen. Kaagad namang lumapit si Aston sa kanila na nakita ang sitwasyon nila ni Manang Tess na nahihirapan din sa kaniya. Medyo basa pa ang buhok nito, halos tumutulo pa ang ilang butil sa puting T-shirt na suot.

“Fruits?” Aston asked when they both sat down.

She shook her head. “Nope. Gusto ko lang ng dark chocolate mamaya. That’s it.”

Walang naging sagot si Aston. Nagsandok ito ng kanin sa pinggan nilang dalawa, ulam sa magkaibang mangkok, at tubig sa basong puro yelo. Gumawa rin si Aston ng sawsawang patis na mayroong sili galing mismo sa sinigang. Si Aston na rin ang naghimay ng karneng baboy dahil isang kamay lang ang kayang igalaw ni Laureen.

Paghigop ng sabaw, naramdaman kaagad ni Laureen ang init, asim, at alat ng sabaw. Napapikit siya dahil ang sarap sa pakiramdam. Ilang beses niyang inulit bago kumain ng kanin na halos lunod na lunod na rin sa sabaw. Malambot ang karne. Wala nga lang okra dahil hindi talaga niya kayang kainin iyon at aware ang lahat doon.

They both ate in peace.

“Saan ka nag-jogging?” tanong ni Laureen nang matapos kumain. Sumandal siya sa dining chair habang umiinom ng tubig.

“Sa may public school na merong track,” sagot ni Aston habang inaayos ang gamot ni Laureen. “Aakyat ka na ba pagkatapos mong kumain?”

Laureen shook her head. “No. The room bores me. Baka here na lang ako sa labas muna. Nakakalakad naman na ako. I can’t stay inside my room for long periods.”

Aston nodded without a word. Silence consumed the entire dining table, and Laureen waited for him to open a topic. He felt the same.

“About last night.” It was Laureen who started.

“Are you even serious about it?” Aston gazed at her with a serious tone.

Laureen nodded lowly. They were still in front of the table, but the silence was deafening.

“Why?” Aston let out a loud sigh. “Bakit parang ang dali sa ‘yong sabihin ‘yun? You hated what I said yesterday. It made you wanna break up with me?”

“Yes and no. You were right, and I was selfish.”

“I never said you were selfish,” Aston uttered, brows furrowed.

Laureen immediately shook her head. “No, no. That’s not what I meant. I am selfish for keeping this, for everything I’ve done to you, and I’m sorry. It’s not easy for me, too, but it’s for your own good.”

“Ayan na naman tayo, e. Ayan tayo sa for your own good. Do you have any idea about what’s good and what’s bad?” Aston said seriously. “You rarely ask me about anything, Laureen, and I understand that. Alam kong ayaw mong nagtatanong. Alam kong hindi ka gaanoon, kaya ako na mismo ang nagsasabi sa ‘yo. And you assuming what’s good for me, that’s bullshit.”

“Aston.” Laureen breathed and looked down. “Language.”

“Sorry.” Aston apologized.

Again, silence.

“Ang unfair mo kagabi, e.” Aston shook his head. “Pinaghirapan kita ‘tapos ibe-break mo ako habang inaantok ako? That was unfair.”

Laureen bit her lower lip and smiled.

“What? Love, walang dapat ika-smile sa nangyari at sinabi mo kagabi. But it made me think deeper. The question.” There was hesitation on Aston’s voice. “What am I to you?”

“I love you,” Laureen said without hesitation.

Aston’s face immediately softened. Gusto niyang sapukin ang sarili niya dahil isang I love you lang, lumambot kaagad siya. Napakahina.

“I love you, but I know I’m making things hard for you and I don’t want that. As much as I wanna keep you to myself, hindi puwede ‘yun na nagiging restricted ka dahil sa ‘kin. Hindi puwedeng nasa malayo ka, nag-aalala ka. Hindi puw—” Laureen stopped talking when Aston stood and leaned by the counter. “You deserve better than me, Aston.”

“Then why can’t you be that same person?” Aston asked monotonously. “I know you deserve better than me, too. Someone with high respect, someone your age. Someone with more achievements. Someone who can do things, anything. Everything, but I am trying to be that person, Laureen. I am trying to be better for this relationship to work, pero bakit ikaw parang hindi puwede?”

Laureen stared at Aston’s face, his brow furrowed, his jaw tightened, and his breathing heavier than usual.

“Love, fight for us. Please? I love you, and I don’t wanna lose this. I don’t wanna lose you, but it pains me that it’s so easy for you to lose me. Ganiyan ba ako kawala—”

“I don’t want to lose you, Aston,” Laureen said lowly. “But if I’m going to be the reason you can’t do things you want to and have the relationship you deserve, I’m going to have to let us go.”

Umiling si Aston habang nakatingin sa bintana ng dining area kung saan kita ang mga kabayong tumatakbo. Nandoon si Rue na inilalakad ni Manong Danny.

“Manong Danny told me about Rue and when you said those words last night, it was painful. I remembered Rue, he lost his mate, and he’s terrified, and I know I’d feel the same,” ani Aston na ibinalik ang tingin sa kaniya. “Habang tumatakbo ako kanina, pinag-isipan ko ang gusto mong mangyari, pero ayaw ko, Laureen.”

“But you deserve to be with someone better than me,” sagot ni Laureen habang nakatingin kay Aston.

“Hindi ba puwedeng ikaw na lang ‘yun pareho? Puwede bang maging better na lang tayo para sa isa’t isa para hindi na hihiwalay?” tanong ni Aston. “Ang hirap kasi ng gusto mong mangyari, e. Mahal kita, e.”

Sa sinabi ni Aston, hindi napigilan ni Laureen ang pagbagsak ng luha niya na kaagad pinunasan ni Aston gamit ang hinalalaki nito. Hinalikan nito ang gilid ng noo niya at saka ang tuktok ng ulo niya bago siya maingat na niyakap mula sa likuran.

“Don’t do that again, please.” Aston buried his face between Laureen’s neck and shoulders. “I love you.”

“I love you,” Laureen responded, holding Aston’s hand. “I’m sorry.”

—

Three days since Laureen was out of the hospital, she could move better than the previous days, but with limitations. Medyo masakit pa rin kasi ang katawan niya at hindi nakatutulong na ayaw pa rin siyang pakilusin ni Aston.

“Love, hindi ka pa ba babalik sa Manila?” tanong ni Laureen habang nakasandal sa headboard ng kama. “You have work. Okay naman na ‘ko. Hannah can take care of me.”

Umiling si Aston at lumapit sa kaniya. Katatapos lang nitong maligo.

They had a long day. Nag-joyride sila buong maghapon para hindi raw siya maburyo. Nagpunta pa sila sa coffee shops para lang magkuwentuhan at naglakad sa buong hacienda. Naramdaman din ni Laureen ang pagod, pero masaya. Masakit pa rin ang katawan ni Laureen, but she enjoyed her day.

“Hindi ako babalik sa Manila hangga’t may arm brace ka,” sagot nito habang tinutuyo ang buhok.

Malalim na huminga si Laureen at naalala ang conversation nila ni Audi nang tumawag ito sa kaniya. Walang alam si Aston at wala naman siyang balak ipaalam iyon dahil nakiusap ang nakababatang kapatid nito na huwag sasabihin ang tungkol sa pagtawag nito sa kaniya.

Audi was asking Laureen to try and convince Aston to go home. Marami pala itong trabahong iniwan para sa kaniya. Ilang araw lang ang paalam ngunit mukhang mapapatagal dahil ayaw pumayag na umalis hanggat hindi nasisigurong maayos lang siya. Nakiusap si Audi kaya iyon ang gagawin niya.

“Kasi, I was thinking I might tell Julien and Luana about my situation as long as they won’t tell our parents,” sabi ni Laureen.

Naupo si Aston sa gilid ng kama niya, mukhang interesado sa sasabihin niya.

“Naisip kong magpunta sa Manila. I will stay with Julien or isa sa condo units namin just to unwind?” Patanong ang pagkakasabi niya dahil hindi rin siya sigurado.

Umiling si Aston at mahinang natawa. “Love, you hate the city,” sabi nito na hinaplos ang pisngi niya.

May katotohanan iyon.

“Kaysa naman nasa room lang ako. Isa pa, habang nasa Manila ako . . . puwede kang pumasok sa work. I will just stay there and you can come visit me anytime na tapos na ang work mo.” Pinilit ni Laureen ang ngumiti. “Para at least hindi mo ma-miss ang work and hindi mo rin ako ma-miss.”

Laureen saw how Aston looked confused, but the sides of his lips curled up into a smile. “Are you sure? Kasi hindi ako tatanggi and I will sleep at your place. Huwag ka na lang kina Julien, itataboy niya ‘ko.”

She squinted and chuckled. “Okay. I’ll ask Keanna kung saan merong free space sa condo namin and I’ll stay there.”

Keanna, a friend introduced by Aston, was handling their real estate in Manila.

Hesitation was written on Aston’s face, but asked again if she was sure. Laureen nodded. Tatawagan daw kasi nito si Neil, ang piloto ng chopper na pag-aari ng mga Mathias para sunduin sila. Aston didn’t want her to suffer a long drive, mayroon naman daw mga sasakyan sa Manila na puwede niyang magamit.

Habang nakatingin kay Aston na kinakausap si Neil, nakita ni Laureen ang ngiti nito. Alam niyang ilang araw na rin nitong pinoproblema ang mga trabahong naiwan sa Manila. Madalas nitong hinihiram ang laptop niya para sumagot ng email, madalas na rin itong mayroong kausap sa phone, pero hindi ipinaririnig sa kaniya. Wala rin namang sinasabi tungkol sa trabaho. Never nilang naging topic iyon.

Lumabas muna si Laureen ng kuwarto at nagpunta sa balcony na nakakonekta sa kuwarto niya para magpalamig. Labag sa loob niyang pumunta sa Manila dahil hindi siya sanay tumira doon, pero dahil sa pakiusap ni Audi, gagawin niya. She didn’t want to hinder Aston’s growth.

That conference Audi mentioned was important.

“Love, okay sa ‘yong sunduin tayo bukas ng hapon?” Sumilip si Aston sa balcony.

Tumango si Laureen. She would have enough time to talk to her employees about everything, especially Manang Tess and Hannah. Tatawagan na rin niya si Keanna at ipare-reserve para sa kaniya ang isang unit. Tatawagan ang mga kapatid niya tungkol sa pagpunta niya sa Manila.

Laureen felt the cold breeze of Baesa. It was dark, and the stars twinkled. She inhaled the freshness of the air that she would miss for days or maybe weeks; she didn’t know.

Humikab siya at akmang tatalikod nang maramdaman ang pagbalot ng dalawang braso ni Aston mula sa likuran niya. Mainit sa pakiramdam. Sumandal siya at napapikit nang maramdamang kumportable siya sa sinasandalan niya.

Aston swayed a little. “Are you even sure?”

Laureen nodded. Her eyes were shut. She felt Aston’s lips on the side of her forehead.

“Okay,” Aston murmured. “I’ll make Manila tolerable for you.”

Laureen laughed in response but didn’t say a word.

Okay. Hello, Manila.

 —
T H E X W H Y S
www.thexwhys.com