Nagising si Laurel nang maramdamang nakahinto ang sasakyan. Hindi niya namalayang nakatulog siya sa byahe papuntang Batangas. Naamoy rin niya ang pamilyar na pabango ni Atlas mula sa hoodie na nakatakip sa katawan niya. Deretso siyang napatitig sa orasan. It was almost three in the morning and she didn’t realize she slept too much.

Wala siyang kasama sa loob ng sasakyan at malamang na nasa labas si Atlas. Maingat siyang bumangon ngunit madilim at tanging ilaw mula sa fishing boats ang nakikita niya.

Bago tuluyang lumabas ng sasakyan, muling sumagi sa isip niya ang sitwasyon niya. Sa kasalukuyan, wala pang plano. Marami pang oras, kung tutuusin, at bahala na sa mga susunod. Palaging bahala na ang nasa isip niya. Iyon lang muna ang kaya niyang ibigay sa sarili niya.

Tuluyan siyang bumangon, uminom ng tubig, at lumabas ng sasakyan, saka niya nakita si Atlas na nakatayo sa harapan ng beach. Lumingon ito nang marinig ang pagsara niya ng pinto at naglakad palapit sa kaniya.

“Bakit hindi mo ‘ko ginising?” tanong niya. Hindi niya masyadong nakikita ang mukha nito dahil madilim ang dalampasigan at tanging ilaw mula sa lukuran ng sasakyan ang mayroon. “Kanina pa pala ako natutulog. Parang pagbaba pa lang sa Baguio.”

Narinig niya ang mahinang pagtawa ni Atlas. “Ayos nga, eh. Sa tagal nating nagta-travel, ngayon ka lang nakatulog sa biyahe. Maybe you didn’t have that much sleep. Hinayaan na muna kita.”

Hindi siya sumagot at naglakad papunta sa dalampasigan. Tinanggal niya ang suot na sapatos at basta na lang hinayaan ang maliit na alon sa paa niya. Maligamgam ang tubig at medyo high tide ayon kay Atlas, kaya hindi sila puwedeng mag-swimming na, kung tutuusin, wala rin naman siyang balak.

She loved the sound of waves, but hated how the salty water felt on her skin. She was used to that soft water, flowing from the stream she used to swim.

“Gusto mo na bang dumiretso ngayon sa bahay para mas makapagpahinga ka?” Tumayo si Atlas sa gilid niya. “It’s just three in the morning, para na rin makatulog na tayo. Medyo napagod rin ako.”

“Can we stay until sunrise?” sagot niya habang nakatingin sa mga ilaw na nasa dagat. “Kaya mo pa ba? If not, we can go.”

“It’s okay,” Atlas inhaled the salty air. “Nagugutom ka ba? Nag-drive-thru ako kanina sa isang café and I got us some coffee. Kaso malamig na ‘yon kasi kanina pa. But I also got you some pastries.”

Laurel frowned. “Buti hindi ka nakilala?”

Atlas shrugged. “I don’t know. Bahala na siya kung ano ang sasabihn niya. I was wearing my hoodie, hindi ko alam kung naging familiar ako. I won’t mind. I was just getting coffee.”

Hindi niya alam kung ano ang magiging reaksyon sa sinabi ni Atlas. Tinalikuran niya ito para kunin ang pagkain dahil nagugutom na rin naman siya at sinabihan itong patayin na rin muna ang sasakyan. Inaya niya rin itong maupo muna sa buhangin habang naghihintay ng pagsikat ng araw.

Kinuha ni Atlas ang maliit na speaker at blanket sa trunk ng sasakyan na inilatag sa tabi mismo ng kotse para maupuan nila.

They had been in the same area multiple times. Walang tao sa lugar na ito dahil malayo sa resort at kailangan ng mga sasakyan para marating. It was a little private, and they had a chance to just be out and watch the sunrise while listening to the comforting waves.

“What’s the title?” she asked when a song started playing. It was a female’s vocals.

“Heavy by The Marias,” Atlas sat beside her. “After sunrise, gusto mong mag-breakfast bago umuwi? I might sleep.”

Laurel gazed at Atlas and nodded. “Drive thru na lang ulit, and I’ll drive this time.”

Atlas was about to say no, but she immediately stopped him. Narinig niya ang mahinang pagtawa nito at nagsimulang kumain ng croissant na binili. Ipinakita rin nito sa kaniya ang Bueno Bliss Crepe Cake na isa sa mga paborito niya. Ito na rin ang nagbukas ng maliit na box ng cake, pinunasan ng tissue ang tinidor na gagamitin niya, at tinanong kung gusto ba niya ng tubig.

She thanked Atlas without saying another word and took a sip of the white chocolate mocha drink when she tasted coffee, remembering caffeine wasn’t good for pregnant women.

And she wasn’t even shocked when Atlas noticed. “Hindi na kasi mainit. Bili na lang tayo ng iba mamaya.”

Hindi siya kumibo at nagpatuloy sa pagkain. Tumingala siya at kahit papaano, nagbabago na ang kulay ng langit; walang masyadong bituin at medyo malamig ang simoy ng hangin. She could literally smell the salty air, and it was also calming her.

“Laurel?” Atlas broke the silence between them. “Can I ask you something?”

Panic rushed through her, thinking Atlas might have had a hunch about the pregnancy? Or maybe he saw the prescription prenatal vitamins? Or did she slip?

“About what?” she asked casually, heart racing.

A part of her wanted Atlas to ask about it, to know the situation, para hindi na rin siyang mahirapang magtago at magsinungaling. She was okay with him knowing it by himself. Mayroon na rin naman siyang plano, regardless kung ano ang magiging tugon nito sa sitwasyon niya.

“Are we okay?” Atlas murmured. “I felt the distance. Hindi ako kumportable.”

She remained quietly staring at Atlas’s pretty face and didn’t say a single word. There was a mix of relief that he didn’t know and disappointment that he didn’t notice.

“I know I risked the privacy, you…” Atlas inhaled and shook his head. “It won’t happen again. Weeks, I can’t reach you. Hindi mo ‘ko masyadong kinakausap simula kahapon and I just wanna know now kung saan ko ipo-posisyon ang sarili ko. I have so much to tell, but I don’t know if you’re interested and—”

Laurel chuckled lowly. “We’re okay. Everything’s okay, medyo hindi lang okay ang pakiramdam ko lately, and I have been dealing with something, we’re good.”

Hindi niya masyadong makikita ang mukha ni Atlas, ngunit sapat ang malalim na paghinga nito bilang sagot. She noticed he had been trying since yesterday, all the calls and messages, and him literally going to Baguio during his break.

“So, what’s the latest news? New project? Hindi ako masyadong updated. Hindi ako nakakabasa ng news recently,” pag-aamin niya dahil iyon naman ang totoo. “How are you?”

Ipinatong ni Atlas ang dalawang braso sa sariling tuhod habang nakaharap sa dagat. “New movie and TV series offer. Nag-sign din ako ng bagong endorsement. Sa tingin mo, okay ba ‘yon? Katatapos ko lang sa mga trabaho ko noong nakaraan. I just completed a series. Alam mo, iniisip kong baka magsawa na rin ang mga tao sa ‘kin.”

“Possible,” she didn’t stutter. “But don’t let their opinions ruin your plans. Pera din ‘yan, Atlas!” she joked. “Seriously, hayaan mo sila sa iisipin nila. Nasa peak ka ngayon. Just do it. You’ve been working so hard for this, pero wag mo ring pabayaan ang sarili mo. Baka naman ma-burnout ka sa ginagawa mo. Give yourself a break, too.”

Walang naging sagot si Atlas sa sinabi niya. Patagilid niya itong tinitigan ,kaya halos silhouette lang ang nakikita niya. Kitang-kita niya ang side profile, kung gaano katangos ang ilong, at hindi na rin siya magtataka kung bakit ito in demand.

“Gusto mo pa ba ang ginagawa mo? Honest question. Are you pressured?” tanong niya. “You don’t have to answer if you’re unsure or uncomfortable. I just think… you need to ask yourself, too.”

Tumango si Atlas at humarap sa kaniya. Sigurado siyang nakikita nito ang mukha niya dahil nasisinagan siya ng kaunting ilaw galing sa sasakyan nito. Naghintay siya ng sasabihin, pero wala. Matagal itong nakatitig na ikinailang niya dahil kagigising lang niya, baka may muta pa siya.

She didn’t mind, but the person in front of her just told him about the projects and endorsement, and she literally looked like shit.

“Alam mo, just do your thing. Your supporters will be there to back you up, and for sure, your team will be there for you. Hindi ka naman nila pababayaan, so do it. You’re young and baka literal na umpisa pa lang ‘yan. Everyone will be cheering for you. That’s for sure.”

“Kasama ka ba roon?” Atlas asked without stuttering. “I mean, are you still gonna be here just in case, or still the line enjoy it while it lasts?”

Hindi nakasagot si Laurel dahil alam niya ang sitwasyon at desisyon niya. Tinitigan lang niya si Atlas, iniisip kung ano ang puwede niyang isagot. She didn’t want to lie that she would still be around, but she also didn’t want to say something harsh.

“You have a lot of people around you, and for sure, I’m one of them,” she smiled warmly before looking away, staring at the stars. “I’m not a fan of Atlas Legaspi, that’s for sure. But I am one of those people in the background. Someone is keeping your secret, someone knows you behind all the blinding lights and rolling cameras. Okay na ‘ko roon.”

There was a long silence, and the only thing they could hear was the waves finally meeting the shore.

She was never into Atlas Legaspi, the person everyone knew. She liked Julian behind closed doors… the private, the tattooed, the father.

“Gawin mo lang lahat ng gusto mong gawin, Atlas,” aniya, at nilingon ito habang nakapatong ang baba niya sa sariling tuhod. “Walang pipigil sa ‘yo and you deserve everything. You’re very hardworking, kaya ‘wag mong pansinin lahat ng taong hindi ka gusto. We all have different opinion,s and some don’t even matter.”

Nanatiling tahimik si Atlas na nakatingin sa kaniya at mukhang nakikinig sa kung ano man ang sinasabi niya.

“When I started writing, I didn’t think someone would even read my stories,” she smiled, remembering how she started. “I didn’t promote, just wrote. I remember having ten readers, natapos ko ang first book na sinulat ko online. It was fun reading comments.”

Laurel looked up, biting her lower lip. “I had a hundred reads for a whole book, and it was amazing. Slowly, I grew some readers, had reads, and finally a whole lot of comments appreciating stories I shared. Wala akong pakealam kung ilan sila o kung inayawan nila stories ko noon. As long as I have one who believed I was doing great, that was enough for me. One was enough for me to write more.”

She heard Atlas chuckle. “Thank you… for sharing something about your writing.”

“I don’t think you’ll relate, but whatever,” she smiled widely. “We can’t please everyone, and that’s okay. Some people’ll appreciate us, regardless of what we can offer.”

“With your following, mabuti walang naghahanap sa ‘yo?” tanong ni Atlas. “I mean…”

Tumaas naman ang dalawang balikat ni Laurel. “Meron, marami. Natawag pa nga akong snob sa comments, but I don’t mind. There’s a line between that writing persona and my real life. Kung hindi nila ‘yon maiintindihan, wala na akong magagawa. Tulad sa inyo, the writing community is not always friendly. I have to protect myself, too.”

Pinag-usapan nila ang ilan sa mga naging trabaho ni Atlas hanggang sa mapansin nilang nagbabago na ang kulay ng langit. Panibagong araw na haharapin at naisip ni Laurel na ito rin ang unang araw na iinumin niya ang mga nireseta sa kaniyang prenatal vitamins.

She knew what they tasted like. She already had them years ago.

Inayos na rin niya ang bagong phone. It was the same brand, but the latest model. It may be the perfect time to have a new one. Tinanong din niya kung maganda ang camera for photo and video dahil habang bumibili, bigla niyang naisip na mag-document.

Gladly, her recordings were saved to the cloud. Hindi lang nag-sync sa phone niya lahat dahil parang gusto niyang bago ang lahat.

Fresh start? Maybe.

Tumayo siya nang sa wakas ay masilayan ang mga alon. Tinanggal niya ang suot na sapatos, itinaas ang jogger pants, at basta na lang ibinabad ang mga paa niya sa maligamgam na tubig ng dagat.

Nilingon niya si Atlas na nanatiling nakaupo, nakapatong pa rin ang dalawang siko sa sariling tuhod, at nakatingin sa kaniya.

“Hindi ka na ulit magbabasa ng paa? Wala ako sa mood mag-swimming,” aniya. “Alis na rin tayo mamaya?”

Tumayo si Atlas at naglakad papalapit sa kaniya. Hinayaan nitong mabasa ang sariling pantalon habang pareho nilang sinasalubong ang maliliit na alon bago siya tumalikod at naglakad. Naramdaman niyang nakasunod sa kaniya si Atlas, kaya nilingon niya ito at hinintay.

Sabay silang naglakad, parehong tahimik.

“May tanong ako sa ‘yo,” basag niya sa katahimikan nilang dalawa. “Five or ten years from now, do you think you’ll still remember me?”

Kaagad na tumingin si Atlas sa kaniya. “Oo naman.”

“Ako rin, kasi imagine, ha? Parang kahit saan makikita kita. Pagbukas ko ng TV, sa groceries, sa commercials, music video… I feel like even twenty years from now, I’ll remember you.” Natawa si Laurel. “Imagine that one day, I’ll tell my future kids na I know you, you’re my friend, we bonded, and we even went to Korea together.”

Nakita niyang sumilay ang ngiti sa labi ni Atlas. “Wala ka bang balak maging connected pa rin sa ‘kin ten or twenty years from now? Like old friends, ganoon?”

“Hindi ko alam.” Tumaas ang dalawang balikat niya kahit na alam niya sa sarili niyang may posibilidad na habang buhay niya itong maalala. “Siguro? Not sure, but at least.”

She would always remember Atlas, that was for sure. Not in a magazine or on television, but through the eyes of someone she’d meet soon.

Nabigla siya nang hawakan ni Atlas ang kamay niya at maingat siyang hinila para yakapin. Ramdam niya ang paghaplos nito sa likuran niya, ang paghalik sa balikat niya, at ang malalim na paghinga dahil magkadikit ang dibdib nila.

“Okay ka lang?” tanong niya. “Uy, bakit?”

“Let’s be friends in the next five, ten, twenty years, please?” Bulong nito. “I want you in my life, Laurel. Please?”

Laurel bit her lower lip as tears started to form. Hindi niya alam kung ano ang mararamdaman niya. “Why would you even want me in your life?” nanginig ang boses niya.

She didn’t hug Atlas back, as she stared at the rising sun, sky turning pink and blue. The salty air against her skin and water rushing through her feet. Hinayaan niya si Atlas hanggang sa ito ang bumitaw sa kaniya. Yumuko siya para pigilan ang sariling maluha. Ayaw niyang makita na naapektuhan siya.

The words hit hard. Why would someone want her?

No one wants her.

Mahina siyang natawa at humarap sa dagat. Inilabas niya ang phone niya para kumuha ng video ng sunrise nang saktong tumapat iyon kay Atlas.

“Layo ka ngang kaunti. Just a few steps backwards,” she scrunched her nose. “Wait, puwede kitang picture with sunset? Bago ‘tong phone ko, eh. For contacts? Kung okay lang, ha?”

Atlas nodded. “Sure,” he smiled.

Laurel also stepped back to get the full view. The pink and blue skies, along with the sun rising behind Atlas, made a perfect scene. Just one click, she took the only photo she had with him.

“Let’s take a photo together,” Atlas wanted to take her phone. “Dali, one photo. Wala pa tayong picture na magkasama, eh. Not even one?”

“Ayoko nga,” she shook her head and pointed the camera towards the sea. “Ayokong may picture tayo. No evidence, no issue, no fire. Safer na wala talagang shot na magkasama tayo.”

Nakaharap siya sa dagat, inaayos ang pagkuha ng picture ng langit at dagat para gawing wallpaper. Sinabihan din niya si Atlas na huwag magsalita dahil gusto niyang kuhanan ang tunog ng bawat hampas ng alon habang nakatutok ang lens sa horizon.

“Laurel?”

“Teka, Atlas. Mamaya ka na magsalita,” she gazed at Atlas and smiled. “I like the sound of the waves and silence. Please, wait lang.”

Atlas’s lips curled into a smile. “Let me. Akin na. Mas magaling akong kumuha ng video. I took classes before.”

“Sige, pero ‘wag mo itutok sa ‘kin, ha? Or maybe wait…” Laurel squinted. “Just one glimpse of me, pero ‘wag ang face ko. Maybe my hand or anything?”

“Akin na.” Atlas took the phone from her. “Lakad ka palayo, don’t look. Basta lakad ka lang.”

“Okay. I trust you,” she chuckled.

Sinunod niya ang sinabi ni Atlas at basta naglakad palayo. Nakatalikod siya. Hindi niya alam kung ano ang nangyayari, but for a moment she wanted to take some time for herself. No Atlas walking beside her. She was alone, letting her tangled hair flow, feeling the early morning sun.

“Okay na!” Narinig niya si Atlas. “Looks good.”

Lakad-takbo siyang lumapit kay Atlas at ibinigay sa kaniya ang phone.

“Tara na? Baka may mga dumating na rin. We don’t want to be seen here.” Nagkalad na rin si Atlas papunta sa sasakyan.

Sumunod siya  habang tinitingnan ang sunrise shots at nakita ang pinakaunang picture ng phone niya. It was Atlas, smiling… eyes twinkling. She zoomed in on his eyes and saw a reflection.

Her.